Living and creating a healthy lifestyle for myself is something that has become exceedingly important to me as I age. Growing up I developed an unhealthy relationship with food. Going on gluttonous binges then crash dieting caused my weight to fluctuate quite a bit and these unhealthy habits followed me into adulthood.
Over the last year and a half though, I examined and did an overhaul of my entire life because I knew I was not living up to my full potential. I was not pleased with my body and the way I felt so I changed my entire diet and began working out 6, sometimes 7 days a week and ended up shedding over 40lbs!
I learned to enjoy eating clean and exercise for not only changing my body, but also making me feel better physically and mentally. And at that time, not only was I dissatisfied with my physical self, I knew my spirit and soul could use some fine tuning as well. This is where I set out to grow more self aware and develop a better understanding and connection with my faith, spirituality, and religious beliefs
. While I am still a work in progress in both areas, I am no longer the woman I was 18 months ago. I’m sexier, happier, and my spirit is in a much better place, BUT I think I could use some improvements…
At the top of the year I didn’t make any new years resolutions because I believe change can and should happen the moment you become aware you are in need of it, but here we are with a little over 2 months left in 2015, and I have two end of year resolutions I’d like to meet or improve tremendously as we bring in 2016:
- Lose 10-20lbs.
I’m happy with my body now but I know it could be better and I feel a loss of 10-20lbs will put me right where I desire to be. To ensure this I will be cleaning my diet back up, significantly reducing the amount of carbs and sugar I’ve been eating as of late, planning my meals for the week, and working out 5-6 days a week.
- Improve my flexibility.
I was really good about stretching and doing yoga at first but found myself doing it less and less at some point. Flexibility is an important aspect of health that we tend to overlook but it reduces risk of injury during workouts and I mean, I can think of a few other places that being flexible will be beneficial, lol. 😉 To ensure this goal is met I plan on taking up yoga again as well as classes to increase flexibility at Pole La Teaz, an exotic dance studio here in Atlanta.
- Improve my patience.
I am extremely impatient, I cannot remember a time when I was not. Maybe it was fine when I was younger, but as an adult, it is not something I am proud to admit. Improving my patience is a goal that is going to be more lifelong rather than accomplished in 2 months, but it is something I would like to make a conscious effort to improve, starting today! I’m not exactly sure how I will go about doing this outside of relaxing when my patience is being tested, so any tips or exercises you’ve got to aid me with this will be greatly appreciated!
- Develop a following for my blog.
I know this will come with time and consistency. I’m extremely excited to share my posts, get some feedback, and meet other bloggers (especially in the Atlanta area!)
With working and going to school full-time, spending time with my family, trying to maintain a social life, and exploring the city, my plate is full to spilling over. But I am a woman capable of so much and I do not like to lose! And what’s better than competing with yourself and becoming an even greater you? So here it goes! I’ll track my progress here once a week and on my Instagram page throughout the week to keep you all updated!
Me as of last Saturday
Me, Feb. 2013
I am still learning how and what it means to be vulnerable. Its importance in building meaningful, intimate relationships makes complete sense in my mind, however I seem to fumble with it in practice.
To most I’m an ice queen, but those that know me well know better; my feelings are easily hurt and I will cry at the drop of a hat. You just won’t ever see it as I will certainly excuse myself.
But therein lies my main issue: expressing my hurt. I feel it reads as a sign of weakness, however, this rationale only applies to me. When other people are hurting I want to comfort them, I tell them it’s natural to feel whatever it is that they’re feeling. When it comes to myself, I don’t allow myself the same sensitivity. I’ve noticed that my inability to be vulnerable also manifests itself in other ways, mostly irritability and impatience…
I’m well aware of my issues, I’m just not sure how to correct them.
Growing up, outside of a brief period of time after the passing of my grandmother and my mother turning to religion for what I imagine to be solace and strength, I was never forced to go to church. It wasn’t that my mother didn’t start believing in God until the passing of her mother because she always had, but as a single mom working long hours to ensure us a stable and happy life, there wasn’t always time.
During my adolescent years I attended church of my own volition with my aunt and my best friend’s family, and despite not being able to hold a tune I even joined a teen choir. I distinctly remember always enjoying church because of the atmosphere, always uplifting, convivial, and divine. Eventually after my expressed interest, my aunt surprised me with my first Bible. We’d have bible study discussing verses pertaining to whatever the lesson was for that week and this is where things changed for me. I began to read stories and verses that I found to be hateful, parochial, and sometimes downright scary; not at all in line with what I imagine when I think of God, the embodiment of love.
Now as an adult, those feelings remain. I believe in God, but religion, I’m not certain of. I can’t reconcile what I believe to be ill teachings of the Bible and what I feel in my heart. I still read the Bible and try to use it as the basis for my life but in its entirety, not so much. There shouldn’t be hate and fear where there should be love and comfort.
While it brings me a great deal to ponder over, not having all of the answers right now doesn’t trouble me. I think of my spiritual development as a journey, not so much a destination, and he knows my heart.
I’m not looking for anyone to make sense of this for me because these are not questions or concerned that can necessarily be satisfied by another person. My journey is not yours and I’m on the rode to finding my own truth. But please, feel free to comment.